[試寫比較文章][英文寫作]Difference between swimming at beach and in a pool

Difference between swimming at beach and in a pool

Do you like to swim? Which do you prefer to swimming at the beach or in a pool?
These two options are very dissimilar which are include safety, service rules and activity. They deserve we talk about it.

The first difference is safety. The first concern is the water condition. In the swimming pool, the water does not flow, people share the same water space. 
To avoid infection, pool hygiene is very important. In the other hand, the sea has broad space to swim, you can choose a clear territorial water and don't worry about infected from another person.Instead of, you have to concern the marine meteorology. As bad weather comes you shouldn't go to a beach; on top of this situation, swimming pool is the best choice.

Another difference is service rules. Using the pool, you should comply with service regulation. 
For example, you ought to wear a swimming suit and don't bring your pet in the pool.On the contrary, at the beach, you can bring or wear what you want.

The last difference is activity. Every year at the specific beaches have annual events.It's not just enjoys swimming, a beach volleyball competition or a music party makes the beach activities more diversification . However, swimming pool is indoor. It's hard to provide a big place to contain too many people that exhibits an event.

To conclude, go to the beach, you can have more options to pick your equipment and enjoy other events at there. The only concern is the weather.
If the weather in a bad way, a pool can satisfy your need. So, in my personal opinion, I prefer a beach to a swimming pool. Because it's freer at a beach.

Wrote by  Fiona , March, 23, 2016

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以考試跟寫文溝通為目標的作文練習，希望也在學習英文的朋友能交流給點意見　：）。

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附上英文寫作老師幫忙潤飾與修正過的版本供參考（滿江紅分享XD 哈哈）：

Difference between swimming at beach and in a pool

Do you like to swim? Which do you prefer to swimming at the beach or in a pool? These two options are very dissimilar which are include *in regards to safety, service general rules and times when you swim. They deserve we talk about it.

The first difference is safety.  The first concern is the Water conditions in the swimming pool are safe.  The water does not flow and people share the same water space. On the other hand, the sea has broad a lot of space to swim, and the water flow can be dangerous. Moreover, you can choose a clear territorial area to swim in away from other people. Another safety issue is cleanliness. To avoid infection, pool hygiene is very important and therefore pools are regularly cleaned and swimmers don't worry about getting infected from another person. The sea, however, has no way to be regularly cleaned and in fact the beach is sometimes closed due to the sea water being too dirty to swim in.

Instead of, you have to concern the marine meteorology. As bad weather comes you shouldn't go to a beach; on top of this situation, swimming pool is the best choice.

*You do not develop your paragraph. You need a topic sentence and then 2-3 sentences supporting your topic sentence. Above is only 2 sentences and neither are a topic sentence.

Another difference is service  is general rules. Using the pool, you should comply with the rules service regulation. For example, you ought to wear a swimming suit and don't bring your pet in the pool. On the contrary, at the beach, you can bring or wear what you want. Therefore we can see the rules are very different between the beach and the pool.

The last difference is activity. (you do not list “activity” in your thesis statement)  Every year at the specific beaches have annual events. In addition to It's not just enjoys swimming, you can enjoy a beach volleyball competition or a music party.  makes The beach activities are more diverseification . However, a swimming pool is usually indoors. It's hard to provide a big place to contain too many people. Therefore, events and exhibits are usually limited at pools. that exhibits an event.

To conclude, go to the beach,gives you can have more options. You can to pick your equipment to take and enjoy other events at the beach.there. The only concern is the weather. If the weather is  bad, way, a pool can satisfy your needs. So, in my personal opinion. I prefer a beach to a swimming pool. Because it's freer at a beach.
                                                                                       Wrote Written by  Fiona , March, 23, 2016

RESTATE YOUR THESIS.
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*in regard to / with regard to this issue : "關於"這個議題 
   regard to 為通用的片語 ，之前一定要 with 或 in 
* getting infected
* in away from
* In addition to 此外